When starting a new enterprise it is important to lay out what qualifies you for the role. If you were applying to a doctors job it would form a large part of your CV that you had a medical degree. If one was to play football for a living it would be an expectation that this person could kick a ball (alongside committing some fairly serious crimes). If someone was to be a politician, it would be an expectation that they could run the….. Ok so it is usually important to know what you are doing.

So am I an expert mechanic? No

Am I a engineer with a speech impediment and an allergy to sunlight? No

I am in fact just someone who enjoys driving and buys expensive cars to compensate for various defects and insecurities in my personality. Much like everybody who owns an expensive car. Picture the plonker from school. They post to social media a lot. Selfies. Motivational quotes. They are an estate agent. This species will have financed a white Audi. Now picture the “indie” plonker from school. They went on a gap year. They post to social media a lot. Sunsets mainly. They probably don’t have a job. This species will have a van for surfboards and sleeping in, to be “at one with nature”. Picture the thug from school. He drives whatever he stole, usually a Corsa. He is not insecure.

In a world of extreme capitalism a car makes a lot of sense, after all you can only pose with a house in one location. Therefore you can’t brag on the “gram” about how well life has gone as often. This was a large factor in my “throw it all on black” choice to buy a 2008 Porsche Cayman S, a car so scarily capable that one quick “hoon” could have landed me in jail. A car so expensive to repair that I was always on the edge of taking out a bank loan. With this financial pressure came fear and the reason for me to swap to my current weekender, a 1998 BMW M3 Evolution. Because a 21 Year old BMW M3 is probably so cheap to repair and run. Great choice Tom. Great choice.

In the modern world people place huge value on good old hard work. I don’t, I am lazy. It makes me considerably more efficient and means I don’t have to go for runs or talk about “Hustle”, whatever that is. However, I didn’t want my garage to say I haven’t worked for this. Cue a classic car restoration project. Many, many months ago I convinced my housemate to drive me to look at an old 1984 Porsche 944, and on a sunny day I fell in love with my first sh**box. Pop up headlamps (that no longer pop up), a sunroof that never worked and the smell of mould were enough to sell me on the overpriced paperweight. A drive that thanks to the worst MOT in history is exciting and engaging, in the same way as being sent to a war zone. Since then I haven’t really done much to it. I am lazy….. Maybe it will appreciate? Not in its current state. Maybe this exciting new blog will become so famous a company restores it for me? My best joke yet!

I also own a Diesel Audi A4 estate a car that if I featured beyond this sentence would confirm this as the most boring blog in history.

Welcome to Cars and Chat

I have created Cars and Chat because quite simply I have too many friends, (somewhere in the region of 7) and I have been reliably informed that blogging is a fantastic way to cut such ties. This website will detail my various ramblings as I attempt to make it in the world of motoring blogging, because I am too ugly for YouTube. In a last ditch attempt to make money from an exceptionally expensive hobby, follow me as I shamelessly ask for subscribers and blog my way to being teased by my friends. Laugh at me as I try to run 3 German Cars (we don’t say whips here) on a modest budget and become crippled by the anxiety of them breaking. Laugh at me as a use my lack of mechanical knowledge to try and restore my 1984 Porsche 944 paperweight. Laugh at me as I make a permanent account of my general car and lifetime failures. In a world of depression and self loathing find out that there is someone who has made worse choices than you.